jordenf v2.0

Nothing really shocks me anymore.  I’ve come to the conclusion that people are pretty weird and whenever I see stories on their stupidity or websites with the wackiest gadgets that they’ve created I will almost fly by them as if they are normal everyday items… well this one caught my attention.

The Felshlight Motion Mount is basically a piece of foam for you to stick your ‘you-know-what’ in.  This Bedroom Adventure Gear comes in a bunch of  different styles, some of which are called: Top Dog, Let It Ride, or On A Mission… I’ll let you use your imagination.

The Fleshlight Motion Mount (which to me looks like a pummel horse for gymnastics – which I guess makes sense) is supposed to be used in conjunction with a rubber vibrating flesh-coloured hole called the Fleshlight.  So if your sex life has dried up, or you have a thing for foam blocks here is what you do to get yourself set up:

Step 1. Pick which Fleshlight Motion Mount you want – each mount is covered with a ‘wipeable’ (thank god) material and includes a microfibre base to prevent skidding… because the last thing you want is to look like an idiot when your sex block starts sliding across the hardwood.

Step 2. Pick which Fleshlight vag-jay-jay or bum-hole you want to use as your fake orifice… with the Double Dog Dare version of the mount you can chose two different orifices if you want because as the name goes there are “double” the holes.

Step 3. If a big piece of mountable foam and two fake orifices aren’t enough you can also get a Hit The Floor yoga mat to put underneath your mount and a Saddle Bag to hold all your accessories.

Double Dog Dare with Saddle Bag

Now if you want the mat, mount, rubber vag-jay-jay or bum-bit and accessory bag it’s going to run you about the same price as one of them high-class hookers.  But humping a piece of foam on your kitchen floor is much more dignifying than buying sex with a human.  However for you bargain hunters out there, if you buy the Double Dog Dare version with two holes (one on each end) you could always go halfers and split the cost with someone else.  The only catch is that when you are both going to town on your foam block you will be looking into the eyes of a guy on the other end which might get awkward when you both start crying.

Sorry if you’ve read this mom,

jordenf

Filed under: the web, toys | Tagged: bedroom adventure gear, double dog dare, fake orifice, fleshlight, fleshlight motion mount, hit the floor, let it ride, on a mission, saddle bag, sex, sex toy, top dog, vag-jay-jay