jordenf v2.0

There are just too many directions I could take with this product.  This Love Muscle Toner came into my Google Reader feed today and I just felt like I needed to write about it, just in case there were some guys out there who felt like they needed a little ‘work’ on their game.

I mean what better way to boost your bedroom skills than purchasing a little dumbbell that fits on your bits.  I do like the fancy faux snake-skin case it comes in but I do have a few questions on how to operate it:

1. How heavy is it?  I don’t want to put it on there, find that it’s too heavy and hurt myself… can you imagine explaining that to the nurse in the ER?
2. It say’s one size fits all, yet it comes in a small compact case… is this just a product to make me feel better about myself?
3. If it is a true dumbbell it will be made out of metal, which get’s cold quite easily, I see a design flaw here because as every male knows putting something cold on your man muscle won’t help that dumbbell stay on there.
4. Once I have the dumbbell on there what exercises am I supposed to do?  Do I do squats, or do I thrust back and forth, or do I just put my hands on my hips and flex my thighs?

The other thing that concerns me about this product is their return policy:

We offer a 28 Day Money Back Guarantee.  If for any reason you are not completely delighted with your purchase you may return it within 28 days for a full refund or exchange (excluding P & P).

So if I try it out a few times and I find that I’m still the Mazda Miata of the bedroom (small, fast, and kind of feminine), I can send this thing back and they will just repackage it and send it out to another guy?  So how do I know that I’m not the guy who is getting a slightly used boner barbell?

The Love Muscle Toner is about $14CAD, but can you really put a price on how awesome you are going to look when you bring a girl back from the bar and she asks “what’s in the box on your bedside table?”

Cheers!

jordenf