jordenf v2.0

I didn’t think I’d ever find anything that topped the Poo Trap or the Fleshlight Motion Mount but I’m pretty sure I just did.  Just in time for Christmas… it’s the Hot Doll: The Sex Toy for Dogs!

Hey, I get that your dog may have a humping problem and keeps using your couch pillows.  I even understand that it’s probably not appropriate for little Fredrico (my imaginary dog name) to run out and start jack-rabbiting on Grandma’s leg when she comes to visit.  But let me ask you this, when you have a cocktail party how are you going to explain the modern looking dog sculpture in the corner of the living room?  “Oh that’s just for Mr. Bojangles to get his rocks off on… we encourage everyone in the family to explore their sexuality… although I have had to tell the toddler to get his finger out of there every once in a while.”

Below are a few specs on the Hot Doll from their website:

• Stability, strength, ergonomics, Hot Doll is specially designed for the utmost comfort of your pet.
• The legs “no slide system” are designed for extreme grip.
• The “cone” is made from silicone, the same materials used by veterinarians. It can resist to temperatures from -40°C (-40°F) to +200°C (+392°F) and offers excellent UV resistance.
• Fast, Easy and Hygienic, use cleaning products suitable for plastic and silicone such as water and soap.

First, I’m super glad to see the legs have extreme grip so the dog won’t hump the thing across the linoleum floor while you are enjoying your cream of mushroom soup for dinner.  Secondly, I don’t even want to know what the “cone” is although I do have a pretty good idea.  Third off, the fact that it can resist temperatures up to 200°C is a nice feature but I’m pretty sure your dog wont be having sex with this thing on the face of the sun… although the UV resistance is a nice feature just in case you are done making your house-guests feel uncomfortable around the Christmas tree and would rather your neighbour’s kids have a gander at Fido getting freaky in the backyard.  And finally, “Fast, Easy and Hygienic, use cleaning products suitable for”… let me stop you right there, cleaning out a fake dog’s bum-hole of whatever substances your real dog put in there is never suitable or acceptable!  Never!

Well if your kids aren’t screwed up enough for your liking go out and get your family dog the Hot Doll this Christmas.  Because nothing seems more socially acceptable than allowing your dog to nail a sex toy in the middle of your living room.

Cheers!

jordenf